Just too fed up with the pathetic admin of Blog.co.uk so I am moving.

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Lovely funeral this morning, although I do say so myself, for Willie. Willie was 97 and a Portie worthy and worked for British Rail nearly all of his working life. He was a member of the BR Touring Club and they travelled all over the UK and Europe competely free. How great is that? I hope it's still the same today for Railway employees.

After the service we processed outside, round the path to his grave under the avenue of trees. Then the family, a few midges and I bade our farewell to a quiet man. Perfect!

If you are a regular reader/commentator of this Blog then you will know that we have been experiencing some problems lately. If its any consolation, it is just as difficult for me to log in and make comments. I have become a regular complainant too and am assured that it will be fixed soon.

So if you have left a comment and have not had a reply please bear with me. (Still considering a move.)

St M's has its own graveyard. It is quite lovely and if I didn't have a family plot to go into when that time comes, I wouldn't mind settling there for eternity. Lovely tree-lined avenue, well kept grass and some interesting headstones. Tomorrow, for the first time, I shall be interring someone in said graveyard. It occurred to me that I had no idea who dug the hole. I do my own for ashes, but who does it for full size coffins?

Turns out it is the local Council graveyard who come along with their digging machine to do it. And guess how much they charge? £950!!! Now if I thought some nice muscly gravediggers were getting some of that I wouldn't mind. But I bet the man with the scoop ain't getting £950, that's for sure. Blimey, I'd dig it myself for that.

Last night's Vestry meeting lasted one hour and one minute. Is this a record? It would have been an hour had I got away with not allowing AOB. (Worth a try!) Mind you, our Property Convenor didn't arrive so that might have had something to do with it.

Can you beat that? What has been your shortest Vestry/PCC meeting?

Scene: the end of the 8.30am Mass while people are praying and I am standing at the door waiting to greet them.

Woman 1 to Woman 2: (Nudge) Come on, we'd better go. She's standing there like a piece of four-penny cheese.

I'm never very sure if one ought to blog about really personal things. Like illness, for example. Fine to mention the odd sniffly or cataract op, but when it comes to something more intimate or gruesome I wonder whether the whole world really needs or wants to know. Sometimes things are better left unsaid!

However I have decided to share a brief moment from my day this week when I lay on a hospital bed in the Endoscopy suite at the Western General having my orifices attacked by long snakey cameras. Sedation, my arse! (and yes, I did choose these words carefully) Sedated in that I was off in some strange land but was frequently brought swiftly back to reality when the snakey camera reached a bend. The one down the throat passed uneventfully but the other was not such an easy trip.

And nobody had warned me about the noises in the recovery ward after. How can I put this delicately? Imagine 10 women of the middle aged variety doing something that normally would be done under the bedcovers in the privacy of your own room. No, that doesn't sound right. Ok, let's spell it out. Passing wind - that's what they were doing. Rip-roaringly passing wind. Constantly. In fact, being encouraged to. It passed an amusing hour or so, I can tell you.

And the outcome of my tests? Nobody came to tell me, other than giving me a bit of paper and told to contact my doctor next week. I won't go in to the reasons for the test but I did not expect to be told I may have an ulcer and do have diverticula. (Go look it up yourself.) Neither of which explain my symptoms. Bah.

Blog.co.uk is going down in my estimation rapidly and if things are not sorted out soon I may be leaving for pastures new. Yesterday it was 57 pieces of spam which luckily, because I choose to vet my comments, didn't get through but I had to delete them one at a time. This morning there were 87 spams. I can't even find somewhere to report them and get a response. If anyone knows, please tell me.

I believe feeds to my blog were down too. As were links to my favourite blogs. So sorry if you lost me for a while.

But if I depart blog.co.uk how can I keep all my past blog entries? I used to keep a journal (faithfully from the age of 14 when it was more of a diary thing) but since blogging I haven't done it much at all. My blog became my sort-of-journal. I'd hate to lose it all.

I am a pretty level-headed, easy-going, even-keeled (how many more of these can I think up?) sort of person. It takes a lot to really get me riled. On the whole I am very happy with my life and have an optimistic kind of nature. One thing that really upsets me is injustice. The other is spam on blogs, especially blogs hosted by someone else who ought to be able to do something about it and don't make it easy to report. 58 spam entries this morning. I am not a happy bunny.

Have you heard Robin Thicke yet? What a voice! What soul! Listen to The Evolution of Robin Thicke and I defy you not to be turned on.

Lovely to be back with my little flock again today. It's weird how a few days of CofE services can completely throw you when it comes to responses (Gospel) and the Lord's Prayer. We are creatures of habit, right enough.

I think I could get used to island life. There is something very peaceful about being cut off from the rest of the world with no radio, music or news. Has the world changed much in the past 5 days? Mine has, in a de-stressing kind of way which is good.

What did I do, I hear you cry. Well, let me tell you...

Day 1
Arrived in time for lunch and met my companions in Cambridge House: 3 clergy (including one nun) and a clergy wife. Three of them were obviously not there for the silence. Pottered about the village and saw the Lindisfarne Gospels. Wished I'd brought some doodling things. Wandered round the Parish Church and couldn't understand why everyone was gathered in the porch. Followed the line of their cameras and spotted the swallow's nest with 4 babies, mouths open and crying. Birds were to feature heavily in this retreat. The noise! Much taken with The Journey - a sculpture in wood of St Cuthbert's body being carried by the monks. (No photo) Read a lovely poem called The Journey which was heavily marked with copyright warnings (I hand-copied it in my journal). Went to Evening Prayer and then dinner in Kate Tristam's Library. Even found a copy of Br Ramon's Stations of the Cross which I have been hunted for for years. Left my companions doing the crossword and retired to my room to read. Birds still singing.

Day 2
Mass at 8am. Br Damian presided like he meant it. Read in the morning in the walled garden accompanied to the cacophony of birdsong. Finished Be Near Me by Andrew O'Hagan - recommended. After lunch went to the Castle with some of my companions. Nat Trust rip-off but nice views. Evening Prayer, Supper followed by raging toothache. Compline in the Crypt of Marygate House - cosy. Back to my cell for painkillers, reading and cursing the bloody birds still screaming outside. When do they go to sleep around here?

Day 3 Feast of St Benedict
8am Mass - Br Damian again. He is good. No dentist, doctor or chemist on the island. Told I will have to take my toothache to Berwick. Decided to see if it goes of its own accord. Went to Healing Service - hot hands. Toothache abating slightly. Wandered round the Abbey ruins and museum. Found a wonderful shop - The Scriptorium. Glorious goodies in multi-coloured script. 3 of my companions left to go back to Oxford so only me and the nun now in Cambridge House. Had a nice chat with the nun over lunch. Read Preaching as Testimony by Anna Carter Florence which I am reviewing for the Expository Times. (It was jolly good.) Evening Prayer and more reading.

Day 4
Do these birds never sleep? 8am Mass - President was a retired priest, name unknown. Drizzling rain all day. Read A History of the World in 10 1/2 Chapters by Julian Barnes. Weird. 2 new guests arrived and I knew one of them from Coates Hall days so we had a wee blether and caught up on the gossip. Warned them about the birds. Read, dozed and pottered about. Evening Prayer. Started new book: An Infinity of Little Hours. (If you've seen Into Great Silence you should read this.)

Day 5
8am Mass - President Kate Tristam. Only a few of us today so we all stood in the Sanctuary. Wish I could get my 8.30am and Thursday lot to do that. Final jaunt down to the water - never did get out to St Cuthbert's island... next time. Packed up all my belongings (you'd think I'd been there a month!) and safe journey home. Can't wait to go back.

'[In the U.S.] there are now more nuns over the age of 90 than there are under the age of 30.'

I think one of the problems is that if you become a nun today your job is mainly looking after all the old nuns. And they are obviously doing it far too well.

I only ask because I was visiting another church this morning and they used a combination of the two. It was rather weird and easy to get the responses mixed up. I suppose it is to please everyone. Hmm.

Beautiful censing of a nave altar in slow motion though. Clouds of incense building up in the gloom which was very atmospheric.

Long periods of silence too which I found rather unsettling. I am well aware of the fact that we don't have enough silence in our liturgy but I do feel that the Eucharist is not the place for it. (Except after the sermon, during the intercessions and post communion.) No, this kind of silence left you wondering if someone had forgotten to get up to read or do something, and if the organist had lost his place (he was new). Silence should be led and given boundaries, I think.

However, it was nice to see so many clergy in the pews. Obviously this is the place where they all go when on holiday, along with an ex-Primus.

Off on retreat tomorrow so no more blogging for a while. Any comments posted after tomorrow morning may take a week to appear.

Holy Island beckons. Will I go tide crazy? How much fun can you have on a very small island with no TV (thus no Big Brother)? What am I thinking of? I'm not going for fun - I am going for R&R (Rest and Reading).

Burglars, take note. Son #2 is still in the house! So unless you feel like giving it a tidy before I come home, forget it.

There were a few showers yesterday for the wedding but it didn't seem to spoil the fun. We just took more photos inside - which I happen to think is nicer than our front door.

The bride was absolutely stunning. We are used to seeing her cycling in casual gear and she stunned us all by wearing a biscuity coloured confection and looked ravishing. The groom (and all the boys) were handsome in their kilts. I did have to remind those in the front row about the etiquette of sitting in a kilt!

No tears or hysterical giggling at the vows - just loving gazing and good clear voices. And a lovely sigh from the mother of the bride.

I did manage to drop one of the rings but thankfully it didn't roll off into a hole in the ground.

All in all, a lovely day. A beautiful couple that we are honoured to have in St Mark's. Now they are off to Italy and I wish I was with them.

Looking forward to marrying D and K this afternoon. The forecast is for sunshine and showers so if You are listening Upstairs, could we please have sunshine at 1.55pm and then at about 2.35pm? Thank you. Much appreciated.

The church is hoovered within an inch of its life. On that note, would anyone like to buy us a new carpet? Red for the aisle please. And dark purple for the huge Sanctuary.

The flowers were all done by Doris and the bride and groom's mum. Looking pink and natural.

And could someone remind me to take my clean alb down? Thanks.

LW asked this question in my comments to How Inclusive Are You?

'The thing is a program called "The Doomsday Code" By Tony Robinson. I'm sure you know it, or of it. The number of things raised in that almost 2 hour documentary could take years to get through but the specific thing I'd like to know right now is this... the actual sequence of events relating to the end of the world (gosh, what a lovely cheery post this is!).

'It appeared that US Christians (US ones in particular) had ideas and sequences/stagers about the end of the world e.g. “the rapture” and so forth, that seemed to be innovataions or in conflict with actual understanding or Gospel on these matters. Could you please clarify what key events are supposed to happen and also what is the Churches understanding of the mark of the Beast supposed to be?'

Over to you folks!

Thanks to Mother Kimberly for alerting me to WeeMees. Here is mine:

Yesterday it was hailstones the size of golf balls.
Today the leylandii hedge caught fire.

(The latter may have something to do with the semi-naked men on my garage roof and their very large blow torch.)

Buckets of water have been passed (where are the hailstones when you need them?) and the fire has been put out. The hedge remains. Drat.

When it rains very heavily should water come UP your sink plughole in a bubbling and threatening manner?

Found this on St Botolph's website. I like it!

St Botolph's is a friendly and inclusive church.

BEWARE!

Here we practice the inclusive Gospel of Jesus Christ.

This means you may be mixing with tax-collectors, sinners, adulterers, hypocrites, Greeks, Jews, women as well as men, female and male priests, homosexuals, lesbians, the disabled, dying thieves, and other sinners; black people, Asians and other ethnic minorities, Muslims, Bishops, bigots, peoples of other faiths, strangers from Rome and Nigeria, heretics, etc, etc - even you, dear guest are most welcome in fact anyone like those who Jesus mixed with.

So beware, this is not a private club...

WELCOME TO ALL!