This meme pinched from Eileen's Blog...

I am not going to tag anyone specifically - Just let me know your answer either below, or by telling me you've posted it on your blog. Have Fun!

1. This one is the literary meme. The instructions are:
2. Grab the nearest book.
3. Open it to page 161.
4. Find the fifth full sentence.
5. Post the text of the sentence along with these instructions.
6. Don’t search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.

Here's mine:
'But they could not escape scent.'
p161, 5th full sentence from Perfume by Patrick Suskind. (Our next book group book.)

Heard on the radio today that there is a No-diet Diet. After studies it showed that the more flexible you are the less likely you are to put on weight. (And that's not flexible in a bendy way.) You have to move out of your comfort zones and then the weight will fall off, allegedly. If you are a controlling person you need to be less controlling. If you drive home the same way, you need to try another route. Change your radio station. Change your favourite pizza.

Overweight people are more likely to be creatures of habit whose behaviour patterns are set in stone. It is only will-power that causes them to lose weight but it never stays off because they don't change the routine too.

Hmm. What do you think?

Well I think Bishop of Zanzibar has to be the best title a bishop can have, don't you?

In the midst of the big clear-up yesterday I came across this quote from the aforementioned Bishop of Zanzibar. When I first read this I can remember it had a profound affect on me. At that time I was very preciously adoring Jesus in his Tabernacle. And I ended up working with young homeless people.

I reckon its worth repeating again...

'But I say to you, and I say it with all the earnestness that I have, if you are prepared to fight for the right of adoring Jesus in His Blessed Sacrament, then, when you come out from before your tabernacles, you must walk with Christ, mystically present in you, through the streets of this country, and find the same Christ in the peoples of your cities and villages. You cannot claim to worship Jesus in the tabernacles if you do not pity Jesus in the slum... It is folly, it is madness, to suppose that you can worship Jesus in the sacrament and Jesus on the throne of glory, when you are sweating HIm in the bodies and souls of His children... You have your Mass, you have your altars, you have begun to get your tabernacles. Now go out into the highways and hedges, and look for Jesus in the ragged and the naked, in the oppressed and the sweated, in those who have lost hope, and in those who are struggling to make good. Look for Jesus in them; and, when you have found HIm, gird yourself with His towel of fellowship and wash His feet in the person of His brethren.'

Frank Weston, Bishop of Zanzibar
1923 Anglo-Catholic Congress

First, there is the bookcases. And yes, they were worse before.

Then there are the desks. You couldn't have got a piece of A5 paper on them before.

This is the bit with the comfy chair for pastoral encounters.

Here we have the new mini filing cabinet (with TV on top to watch the News and NOT The Jeremy Kyle Show)

And finally the carpet, never seen since February 2006.

Big thanks to Fr Kirstin for giving up her day off to come and join me on mine to rearrange my study. She is a hard taskmistress and made/encouraged me to throw out far more than I would have done on my own. I am a hoarder, there is no denying it, but with a little gentle persuasion I can be convinced that I do not need to keep quite that much scrap paper. Mind you, the recycling bins are now full and overflowing so a trip to the Dump is imminent.

We even fitted in a trip to worship at the shrine of Ikea to purchase 2 mini filing cabinets - perfect for storing paper and stuff. £17.99 each which is pretty good for metal cabinets, don't you think? I learned that Fr K's method for DIY is to throw the instructions away and go with instinct. My method is to plod through with the instructions and every now and again whine a little, at which point Fr K came over and did it for me. Now they are full and I am tempted to go and get more. Yes, I didn't throw out everything!

So I now have a new view with my desk facing a huge pic of the interior of Siena Cathedral. (Yes, I will do some photos later today.) I have space on my desk and the carpet is once more visible - a state we have not had since I moved in over a year ago. I am so happy.

So thank you Fr K - you are a saint! And my back is killing me so it will have to be a gentle day today.

Yesterday I took a CMD 1-3 (that's Continuing Ministerial Development in your first 3 years of ministry, btw) on the subject of Caring for Volunteers in your church. In a past life I managed lots of volunteers but we preferred to call them 'Unpaid Workers' to remind us that they should have the same rights to working conditions, training, support and supervision as paid workers do.

Our churches rely on Unpaid Workers. Some call it the Ministry of the Baptised. Some call it Local Collaborative Ministry, in its many guises. Whatever you call it, it boils down to one thing - we couldn't manage without them. If we were to add up all the hours put in by unpaid workers/volunteers and then multiply it by even the minimum wage then I reckon we'd be out of business pretty soon.

So my advice is to nurture those unpaid workers: to select them professionally; to train them; to care for them and insure them; to support and supervise them; and above all to thank them over and over again.

Here's my list of unpaid workers:
1. Readers
2. Intercessors
3. Serving at the altar
4. Administering chalice
5. Playing organ or other instruments
6. Choir
7. Cleaners
8. Sacristan duties
9. Pastoral visiting
10. Sidespeople
11. Taking the Liturgy of the Word
12. Administrating from Reserved Sacrament
13. Sunday School leaders
14. Café workers (serving, preparing food etc)
15. Preparing and serving coffee
16. Dishwashing
17. Events organisers
18. Website designers and workers
19. Calligraphers
20. Flower arranging
21. Driving
22. Sewing
23. Magazine editing, designing and producing

Then there are the 'official' unpaid workers on the Vestry:
1. Treasurer and Finance committee (and possibly the Auditor)
2. Lay Rep and Alternate Lay Rep
3. Vestry Secretary
4. Property Convenor
5. Fundraising co-ordinator and/or Social Committee co-ordinator
6. Child Protection officer

That's a lot of unpaid hours. So love 'em up.

Have I missed out any?

Just heard on the news that Bishop Gene Robinson is not to be invited to the Lambeth Conference. What on earth has he done wrong? I mean, it's not like he elected himself.

I wonder whether our Bishop's will offer support by boycotting Lambeth too?

(What is the inclusive term for boycotting?)

Just finished Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt by Anne Rice for our bookgroup last night. I have only read one of AR's books before - Cry to Heaven - which was a fascinating tale about Castrati. But she is probably better known for her Vampire Chronicles. She certainly does her research though and the same can be said about Christ the Lord. It is the supposed tale of Jesus' childhood - the bits that the gospels miss out.

Her research into the Jewish faith, the Roman occupation, the Temple and all that stuff was very interesting. But the boy Jesus was a strange child indeed. None of us felt that we had really engaged with him at all. He cried a lot and gazed off into the distance at every available opportunity. In fact, he wasn't very human at all.

What made it all the more interesting was the author's note at the end of the book. Anne Rice used to be a Roman Catholic but she married a devout atheist and lapsed. Now she is trying to get back into the RC church and one couldn't help wondering if this book wasn't part of that whole process. Disappointing.

(Our next book will be Perfume by Patrick Suskind - one of my favourites.)

This morning I wasn't taking my services. (Thank you +A) This morning I was taking the children over 7 for their preparation to receive communion. So +A said he'd take both services to save me writing a sermon or whatnot. (More likely to be whatnot.)

Sadly I woke at the same time as I would normally do if I was taking the 8.30am. So I was up and showered and dressed and made up with hours to spare. It was very weird. I even got to listen to Morning Worship and more. After that, I was completely at a loss as to what to do on a Sunday morning when you don't have a service. In the end I was 45 minutes early. Does this mean I am a control freak?

The children, btw, were lovely and keen to learn. Nobody spat the bread or wine out on the practice run, which was a relief. In fact, they took to the sherry like ducks to water. True Episcopalians!

Here's a little warning for any clergy out there about to perform a wedding or two. Last night at the rehearsal for today's wedding the happy couple handed me the Licence which was accompanied by a letter. It would appear that all the signatures have now to be done in permanent ink.

In the past I have always used a nice fountain pen or even a gel-ink pen and much as I am tempted I never use purple. No problem, I thought. I shall go to WH Smith's (which we are meant to be boycotting by the way) early in the morning and get some lawyer's ink. Arrived at WH Smith's at 9am only to find a sign saying that they don't open until 10am. Nothing else for it but to wander round Kinnaird Park looking for other shops which might have pens or ink but to no avail.

Back to aforementioned shop and despite rows of pen and ink there didn't appear to be any of the permanent kind. I asked an assitant who looked at me as if I had requested a pen filled with blue cheese. Most of the bottles of Quink said they were washable, as did most of the cartridges. Found one packet that didn't say washable but didnt say permanent either. Have settled for that in the hope that it will be many years before it becomes invisible, by which time I will be long gone.

Now, I'd better go marry them. It's a bishop's daughter, by the way, so we want to make sure it's done right.

Alleluia! Well, our 40 days of unremitting joy are nearly over. I'm not sure that my little flock really got the whole joy bit, but I'm sure they'll cope with being back to misery again soon. (No, not ALL of you - in case you are reading this!)

Today always makes me think back to those many pilgrimages to the Shrine of Our Lady at Walsingham. The Ascension Chapel was always one of my personal highlights. Not much to see at first - just an altar and a couple of candlesticks. Then you look up, and there sticking out of the plaster clouds are two brown feet. Glorious!

Some time ago Son #2 gave me a digital camera and apart from being unable to take straight photographs, I have enjoyed snapping away. The only problem is that I now have files of photos on the computer but no actual photographs to share with others. I've been thinking of buying a photo printer for a while and yesterday the all-in-one Epson Stylus Photo RX560 arrived in all its glory.

Why did I choose this one? Well I had a look at it in a shop and the salesman told me it was the best because you can buy the colour cartridges on their own and they are cheaper but give better colour. Or something. And the reviews on Amazon were all very good too. It photocopies, scans, prints in colour, prints photos (by copying, improving, or direct from the camera or phone) and it even prints on to CDs.

It was pretty easy to set up and after a few hiccups I even managed to print some photos too. The quality was astounding.

I will still use my faithful laser printer for everyday use, but now I can do colour posters and all that jazz for the church.

But now I really do need to do something about tidying my study and rearranging the furniture to accommodate all this hardware. Fr K, if you are reading this... you did promise to lend a hand! Maybe next week...?

Thanks to Fr Kelvin for drawing my attention to Ron Ferguson's column.

http://www.theherald.co.uk/features/featuresopinon/display.var.1395270.0.0.php

Just finished a wonderful book about the Creation story. It's called Big Mama Makes the World by Phyllis Root and wonderfully illustrated by Helen Oxenbury. It's very, very good - as Big Mama would say. Buy it for your children now.

Well, we've not have much recently on the Blog-front from the Very Rev'd Provost of Glasgow, but boy has he let rip today. See http://www.thurible.net/20070512/collecting-things/#comments

It would appear that he is suggesting that I am a power crazed meglomaniac. (I'll let you guess which side I'm on!) I am certainly in favour of a local church, and a collaborative one, and one that does ministry - even by all the people. What I don't get is the Alpha-like passion that some have for LCM. And who is training all these local ministers? The preachers, the catechists, the pastoral carers, etc. If I had to do four years at University, three years at Theological Institute (and it was like an institute in oh so many ways) then why do they just have to read a handbook? Oh so many questions could be asked. The sort that you'd ask at a Synod in fact, if it ever came up properly.

His comments on IDPs were interesting too. (That's Individual Development Plans for the uninitiated.) We fill them in as ordinands, then we are ordained and we fill them in again (or not, as the case may be) and then we fill them in once more if we want any further training. I think it's all about assessing what our own training needs are. That should be very empowering really, if it works. Although I've never been very sure how much a student knows about their future needs when they don't yet know what they need, if you know what I mean. Of course, what happens is that you fill it in and you take it to someone who tells you to source the sort of training you need and they might help fund one third of it.

Now here's something revolutionary to think about... how about if our Church offered regular training for clergy? Instead of us having to pay thousands to the Mennonites in London to get training in Conflict Resolution, we get someone to come and train all the clergy here together in it? It would save a fortune. I mean I'm all for lifelong learning - in fact, I crave it. But you know, if I've got to travel half way round the country and pay a fortune to do it, then it starts to lost its appeal. And another thing... the reaction after our annual Clergy Conference is always that it was so good to just spend time with other clergy. Wouldn't training for all do just the same?

We do have a tendency to hold on to things in the Church, right enough. It all began with eight hoovers. But it seems like we are reluctant to let go of lots of things. I reckon everything should be on 2 year contracts and then be re-assessed. If the hoover is not working in 2 years, then ditch it. If the training is no good after 2 years, move on to something else. If this Mission experiment has run its course, let it go. If your priest is not working out how you expected after 2 years... on second thoughts. Actually, why not?

Last night at our Vestry meeting it was agreed that we should purchase a new vaccuum cleaner. "Why?" I heard them cry. "We have eight already!"

Yes, eight.
We are the graveyard where Hoovers (and other brands) go to die.
But we may have eight but only one will manage a small rug, another expires with exhaustion after a few minutes, and another is so large that it takes two men or rather hefty women to move it. The others have already had the last rites read over them but nobody will throw them out because 'they could be repaired'. Yes, at the cost of a new vaccuum cleaner.

So we have agreed that they will all be offered to good homes. Of course they all came from good homes but were never quite good enough for those good homes, hence being donated to the Church. It's that 'Second Hand for Jesus' Theology again.

I am so looking forward to getting in to cupboards again without having to climb over nozzles and tubes and uprights. And I can't wait for the new one. Hope it's the purple model!

Some time ago we put out a questionnaire to my little flock to see what kind of events they would like. Interestingly, religion wasn't really up there in the top 3. But ever one to give the people what they want, last night we had a Quiz Night. And what a success it was! There were 13 teams of 4 (one of 3) and competition was fierce. Any brotherly or sisterly love which might have existed after my masterpiece of a sermon on Sunday morning was long gone by the time Round 1 was over.

Congratulations to Mike's Martyrs who won by half a point, and then very generously shared the prize with the Joppa Geriatrics. And commiserations to Cantata who came last but graciously washed the wine glasses after. Cries were heard for a repeat performance so it looks like it might be a bi-monthly event.

Interestingly, there were 3 clergy there (no names given!) and none of them were the ones to get 10 out of 10 for the Religion Round.

And yes, Pectin IS a carbohydrate. Thank you to all those who went home and Googled just to find out that I was right after all!

Sometimes, and oftentimes, clergy feel as if they are preaching into a void. We slave over the commentaries, we meditate and pray into the wee small hours of the night, we copy and paste and delete until we think we have found the right words to speak to our little flocks. Sometimes, we even have to muster the courage of a lion to actually preach it when we think it may offend/startle/alienate said little flock. Often we are really preaching to ourselves but hope that something may resonate with someone 'out there' too. And occasionally we are aware of a situation which we think might benefit from being brought into the light, without naming names of course.

So we stand there in the limelight and share our intimate words and thoughts and prayers. We look over their heads, preaching to the back of the room as we have been told to do so that our voices project. But occasionally we steal a look at their upturned faces and hope to find some kind of connection - some kind of recognition that what you are saying is being heard deep down.

Then it's all over and you move into the Creed and then the intercessions and finally the Eucharist. And you wonder if they are still thinking about your words or if they have been cast aside to be dwelt on later, or never because they didn't connect at all. Then when they approach the altar rail with hands outstretched to receive the Body and Blood of Christ you look into their eyes to see if there is a flicker of "Yes, I heard you and I am bringing it here now." Sometimes you see it and sometimes you don't. It's hard to read minds.

And when the service is all over and the sound of chattering over coffee fills the church you are left wondering if it ever happened at all. Did it work? Did it offend? Did that sermon mean anything at all or have you got it completely wrong and misjudged where they are at all? And all those questions hover in the air mingling with the coffee smells unanswered. And next week you go through it all again.

But sometimes, just sometimes, once in a blue moon, you get an email from someone who did get it and it helped. And you heave a great sigh because if only one person was helped then it was all worth it.

As requested, a photo of me and my Birkenstocks at the recent celebrations at St Mark's East Kilbride. The Provost of St Mary's Cathedral looks on with amusement, I think. I promise to wear black shiny shoes in future.

Yesterday the Portobello clergy had their Christmas lunch at Select in Portobello. (Great restaurant, btw) Our reasoning for having the Christmas lunch in May is that we don't have time at Christmas what with all the cribs and midnight services and all that jazz.

Discussions ranged from cycling to hospital visiting (no parking costs) to how clergy can take time off when they have a family.

We also discussed how you wake up a visitee in hospital who is sleeping. How many shoogles is polite? Is nipping allowed? Is the length of time spent in attempting wake-up in direct proportion to the hassles you've had in getting there: finding a parking space; spending vast quantities of cash in the over-priced shop getting a sweetie/mag/drink; and then walking 4 miles to a ward only to find they were moved to another one and having to retrace your steps for another 2 miles? And then when you can't waken them (but have checked they are breathing) and realise you have left your "I called but you were out" cards in the car/saddle-bag do you leave a message written on a paper towel knowing that someone will pop it in the bin as soon as you have left? And then the family will tell everyone within earshot that the priest never visits.

It's a tough life.

Yesterday was our annual outing for the Tuesday Fellowship group and this year we went to Scone Palace near my old stomping ground outside Perth and then on to Crieff Hydro for High Tea. The sun shone on the righteous, and on us too. In all the years I was at the Cathedral in Perth I never got around to visiting the Palace so it was something new for me.

The first thing to greet us as we stepped off the bus were the peacocks. And yes, one of them was white.

Sadly in the 4 hours we were there they never once fanned their tails for us.

The tour round the Palace was all very interesting but no photos allowed. Mary Q of Scots did a bit of embroidery there, don't you know? In fact, I reckon she did a bit of sewing in a lot of places.

After a lovely (overpriced) lunch we pottered about the grounds. The small chapel (not consecrated) was a disappointment in terms of tat to ooh and ahh over.

In front of it lies the Stone of Destiny (replica) where all the kings of Scotland were crowned beside Moot or Boot Hill. This is where the noblemen brought a piece of their own land and shook it out their boots because it wasn't safe for the king to travel to them all so they could swear alliegance.

My camera seemed to go on strike at this point so no pics of the gang in front of the bus, and then scoffing scones and cream at Crieff Hydro. I'm sure I saw some of the leftover cakes being smuggled into napkins and roomy handbags. Thank goodness they left the cutlery. But on the whole they behaved themselves and enjoyed a beautiful day.

Any ideas for next year's trip?

Just finished Perfect Match by Jodi Picoult. It was a harrowing book about child abuse and the repercussions. Lots of resonances for me and a book that will stay with me. Nuff said.